I don't want to be your friend anymore!

Good friends are hard to find. I'm very lucky to have some fantastic friends. Like everyone, I've also had some that I thought would be life-long  that have turned out to be pretty temporary.


In primary school, friendship was pretty simple. You made friends with the girl at the next desk or the one who liked to do the same things as you at recess or lunch time. In high school, everything about the human condition is magnified by youth, hormones and a confined environment. Friendships seemed to be almost seasonal and the source of friendship splits never failed to bemuse me. Now that I'm a recent settler in the real adult world, things seem different again. 


I think everyone has at least one friend that isn't entirely good for them. They might be the kind of person who leads you into a sort of trouble you wouldn't find on your own. Maybe they are the kind that seem to always direct the conversation toward themselves, to the point where you feel like you could be interchangeable for a brick wall. Then there is the person who is only your friend when they need something from you and are nowhere to be seen the rest of the time. 


I think just about every girl has a friend who uses every topic of conversation to put someone else down and it's often the person they're speaking to. Whether it be by only talking about things that they perceive themselves to be good at or a quality that makes them more attractive or superior others. These folk tend to speak by making statements that emphasise their exclusivity or comparative comments to highlight part of life where they come out on top. 


In primary school when I friendship is over, someone usually declares it, "I don't want to be your friend anymore!" In high school the cold stare, bitchy rumours or the sudden social awkwardness sent the message that a friendship was finished and no just cause needed to be established.


Now that I'm in the adult world, I'm unfamiliar with the protocol or with my friendship criterion. How many second chances do you give someone before you become a doormat? How many times do you have to sit through long "deep and meaningfuls" concerning someone else's life before it becomes reasonable to wish they'd ask you how you're going? How hurt or irrelevant do you have to feel to justify ending a friendship? Just how many strikes is out in the game of friends? 

Dream a little dream

My sister's posts have been so fantastic, I feel I really ought to raise the bar of my standard of blogging!

Today I'm going to write about dreams.

I was the sort of kid who dreamed gigantic dreams. When I was a toddler I wanted to be a doctor, when I was in early primary school I wanted to be a judge and by time I was in year 7 I was certain that I would be the first female Prime Minister of Australia (Thanks for crushing that one, Julia). The most unattainable, crazy 'dream' I've had was to be 2008 Olympic Champion in the all-around for artistic gymnastics. This would have made me the first Australian gymnast to win any Olympic medal in women's artistic gymnastics and I was not even in a pre-elite program at the time! I have my personal diary from when I was 10 years old and I really thought that was going to happen... (For those of you who didn't catch the coverage of Beijing, I didn't win :-P). 

It is something that has been bothering me for a little while now, that I don't have a dream. 

Initially, I couldn't work out why. Plenty of adults don't have a dream, right? It's just a part of growing up, isn't it? You're just getting more 'realistic' about what you're likely to do... This got me thinking more deeply about what a dream actually is. I thought I needed to get a better grasp on what exactly it is I felt I was missing in my psyche. 

dream

n.

1. A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.

2. A daydream; a reverie.

3. A state of abstraction; a trance.

4. A wild fancy or hope.

5. A condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration: a dream of owning their own business.

6. One that is exceptionally gratifying, excellent, or beautiful: Our new car runs like a dream.

(http://www.thefreedictionary.com/dream) 

I think for most folk, a dream starts off as no. 4. 

I'm not crushed by the fact that I won't ever be an Olympic gymnast, that opportunity has long past. Actually attaining a dream, or getting close enough to it that it can be classified under definition no. 5, isn't something that will happen to everyone. But I'm starting to think that that might not be entirely problematic.

Even if your dream never progresses from no. 4 to no. 5 there is so much joy to be had. The satisfaction of working hard, the like-minded people you meet who become life-long friends and the specialized skills. The sense of purpose and direction you get from going to bed at night and knowing exactly what function the next day plays in turning a 'fancy' into an achievement. The steps you make along the way are ones that shape and define the key moments of your life. The lows might be lower, but the highs are much higher, too. Living seems like a deeper, richer and more colourful experience, with greater dimensions, when you are striving toward a dream. 

My Pa died last year, 3 days short of his 83rd birthday. When he was young, one of his dreams (he would not have used that word) was to go to Oxford. He was an excellent student at university and also excelled as a footballer and was eligible to apply for a Rhodes Scholarship. He got very close to that dream, he was the runner up to the South Australian scholarship. Whilst he subsequently never studied at Oxford, he did become Chief Judge of the Adelaide District Court and President of the South Australian National Football League.  He significantly improved the efficiency of the District Court's administration, ensuring the right to a timely trial was delivered better than ever before. He also protected the sovereignty of South Australian football and saw a stadium built to house it when other sporting authorities would not deliver a reasonable arrangement for a playing home base. 

Pa did not reach that dream and yet he gained so much.

My Pa was a passionate man. He was passionate about the law, football as well as music, golf, his family and friends and a host of other things. Working toward a dream, whether you reach it or not breeds a honest, passionate zest for life. 

I suspect that's what I'm missing.

Do you have a dream? If yes, please share it below! (You can comment anonymously!)

Home, sweet home

I'm back! 


Thanks so much to my beautiful sister for keep you all amused whilst I've been without internet. She's done a fantastic job. I must admit that I was a little teary when I read her post, "The Lion", for the first time. Other people always see you differently to how you see yourself. She's a delightful and quirky little soul and I love her very much. I'm so lucky to have her. 


I've had an incredible trip away with Mum that I think will be really life changing. I have written a lot over the past 6 days and I can't wait to edit, organise and polish it all into a series of fantastic posts. I love it when you go away on holidays and it leaves you motivated and inspired to be a better version of yourself, appreciative of all the wonderful things you already have and excited for the opportunities on the horizon. 


There is nothing quite like getting away from your everyday life. Before I went away I was exhausted and overwhelmed. I undertook an overload last semester in order to complete my degree in the time frame I wanted, which was mainly a good thing. I do like to be busy, but it did make for a fairly stressful exam period. At the same time some very complicated political events were taking place at work and due to what you could probably call a "conflict of interests" I more or less had to resign. 


Things with my parents' work were just out of control and making home a less than enjoyable place to be. The pressure cooker environment of stress had reached boiling point for me and I was really starting to lose hope in my ability to achieve the things I want to. Everyone is busy these days and I find it really hard to lean on people when I'm going through a rough time when you know their plate is already pretty full. I couldn't perceive that anyone around me was available to help me conquer my demons and no one likes feeling like a burden. 


Getting away from the stress, guilt, drama and frustration was exactly what I needed. As Haley Dunphy from 'Modern Family' said, "Everyone has their stuff". Whatever the source, symptoms or magnitude of your struggles, anyone can fall into trap of being consumed by them. There is the old adage that says to "remember that someone is always worse off than you". Whilst this is true, I think it is better advice to listen to someone else's struggles and let yourself think about someone other than your self. You gain the perspective without the guilt.


A little perspective from stepping outside your usual environment can go a long way. My problems haven't disappeared, but I now feel far better equipped to deal with them and I've had a chance to step outside my own head. 


Also, It is so refreshing to be reminded that you are usually capable of so much more than you think you are. Our own self-perception can be exceptionally limiting.


I feel fantastic after my little 'adventure' and I'm so grateful I got to share so much quality time with my wonderful Mum. I met some truly wonderful people and I am looking forward with great anticipation to telling you all about it.

J

Who wants a slice of Happiness pie?

For my final post of the week, I'm concentrating on HAPPINESS.


As it's Friday, there seems to be a common sense of celebration at the conclusion of the traditional working week, regardless of whether there is a day of work or a day off awaiting on Saturday. It's not ground-breaking but it's happiness alright.


A few slices of clarity (some of mine and some from friends) have also compelled me if you will to try and broach the topic without too many nauseating cliches becoming involved. 


The first slice was working out that western culture as a whole is utterly infatuated with the idea of happiness. It seems as though are whole lives are shaped around achieving a constant state of contentment. I am definitely in favour of contentment, but all day every day? It's just not going to happen, reality makes sure of that.


The second slice came courtesy of the combination of Bridget Jones's Diary and alcohol. The huge rush of empathy I felt towards Bridget as she realised that something in her life had to change, otherwise she would end up alone and found dead eaten by Alsations was notable. But, it wasn't a fear of DYING ALONE that I had to combat, I had to change something so I don't FEEL ALONE. Bingo! 
A more coherent version of this idea I saw this very morning in my friend's room.

  


The third slice of clarity was in the form of a conversation with another friend. She was telling me that she had come to the conclusion that happiness isn't an all consuming emotion. Happiness is not mutually exclusive to feeling insecure or angry or upset. I think she's spot on. 
I've found that notion to be very true, particularly since going on nursing placements. Most of the time I'm excited about helping patients, and also terrified of doing wrong by them. Seeing your patients in their situations often leaves me evaluating what I have to be thankful for that I never think about. I'm really happy and thankful to be able to walk, talk and eat without assistance for example. 


But going to such an extreme of a very ill person doesn't always get you feeling any better about your own life and in your own skin. Sometimes I wish that the broader definition of 'being happy' equated to how day to day life plays out. I'm happy because I got the last chocolate cannoli in the shop, or I got the green man the second I pressed the pedestrian button. Adding those instances up can make for a whole lot more happiness than maybe you realised you even had.


Gotye was definitely right, you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness. So I'm not waiting around for some sort of euphoria to set in because one day I might finish my degrees, travel the world or eventually 'settle down'. So I'm taking all the smaller bits of happiness and putting them together for right now. 
Hope your weekend is a happy one (ha ha). K x