Hair cuts and back hip circles.

I have neglected my poor blog again. 

Last week I got my hair cut. It is now the shortest it has been in 8 years and I like it. My hair was waist length and now it sits at my shoulders. My mum had been pestering me for months to get it cut, so finally last Friday I walked into a salon I had never been to before and told them to give my hair a chop. The lovely lady who cut my hair said that she had been told that hair holds onto bad memories, which is why you can feel so much better after a hair cut. 

Whilst I do not believe that somewhat romantic notion in a literal sense, I did feel like a whole new woman after my hair cut and my head most certainly was lighter for being rid of about 25cms of hair. I do also very much like the idea that I have snipped off about 8 years worth bad memories, there sure have been a few.

I don't know if a change is as good as a holiday but I do know that the mind is the most powerful muscle in the body. As long as you believe in the change, then it shall be. 

As of Sunday I am now on my way to becoming an accredited gymnastics coach. I was the only one from my club to attend the course and I was also one of the older participants. 

Whilst most of the other trainee coaches were bored teenagers, I was really nerdishly excited. The all day course was held at the Victorian Women's High Performance Centre, the Victorian Institute of Sport's women's gymnastics facility. It is the most incredible gym I have ever set foot in and now that I have done a back hip circle on the same set of uneven bars that an Australian Olympian has trained on, my life is certainly a little bit closer to being complete. 

So many balance beams... (7 all together, so many that I couldn't fit them all in the one  frame).

Now I have to complete the written coursework and supervised coaching component with my club. 

The day was long and tiring, but I was hopelessly inspired. I couldn't help but think that if I could work in a facility like that every day, I wouldn't care what I was being paid. I can't wait to get accredited, get stuck into my new uni course and throw myself full time into making my crazy dream of making my living from gymnastics based work a reality. 

The main reason I haven't written anything recently is because my mind has been very occupied. 

I've been struggling a lot with some of my important interpersonal relationships and I haven't felt it appropriate to express my feelings about that situation here. There is a level of responsibility that comes with having a blog, even one with a readership as modest as mine. No good can come from making the identity of the person I am struggling to get along with known here.

I am hurt, frustrated and exhausted by the situation. I am trying hard and in many different ways to improve it, but to no avail. 

In recent times, I have come to refer to this chart:

It turns out, the happiness chart does have its limitations. The happiness chart only works in instances where your happiness only depends on yourself. My happiness depends also depends on the people around me, because I care about them. 

I am coming to accept that maybe this is a situation that I cannot improve by being involved and that maybe my only option is to maintain a concerned gaze from a distance. I will have to try and focus on happiness that can be derived intrinsically. 

I know that this person and I are not getting along at least in part because that person is struggling with some things themselves.

One of the scariest things about being in a serious emotional hole is accepting that you are the master of your own destiny. You don't have to do it alone, but you are the one who decides whether anything is done at all. It frustrates me that I cannot decide for this person that the time to take control and improve their life could be now. They have to come to that realisation in their own way, in their own time.

I have said it so many times and I will say it again, I am here for you if you want me to be. I'm not perfect, but I am trying and if you tell me how to help then I will.

I am not a person of faith, but I think the serenity prayer (adopted by alcoholics anonymous) says it well;

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

The irony of this situation does not escape me and it is giving me a far greater appreciation for what people like my mum must have felt when dealing with me.

Life is mysterious and let's face it, we're all just making it up as we go along. I will keep trying my best.

Wish me luck.