Determined Practice

Photo credit: Brisbane Times

I have to get all Melburnian here and have a whinge about the whether. It has been so cold this week and the central gas heating at home has given up. Thankfully we have a little reverse cycle air conditioning unit in the family room/kitchen/family dining space providing some warmth but the other end of the house may as well be Mawson's hut... Weather like this makes me want to move back to Adelaide, just so that I can regain sensation in my toes.

Today was an odd day. I opened my emails and was greeted with a new comment on a post I made a couple of months ago that took me by surprise. That post was tough to write but I had something important to say so I took the time to construct it properly. 

Reading the comment felt like plunging into cold water; a fright at first but cleansing and refreshing after the initial shock had worn off. I'm glad that my post reached the eyes of someone who benefited from it and their anonymous response indicated that my message was received the manner in which it was intended, which gave me some kind of validation. 

I re-read the comment and post many times before responding to it. When I wrote that post I was constantly trying to imagine how my words would sound to someone directly impacted by behaviour as a kid. It was a very different experience re-reading it knowing that one of the people actually had read it. Usually when I give apologies, I think back later and wish I could change something of what I said. Looking back on my post, all I changed was a typo.

Apologising sincerely is hard but I'm proud of that post. Having someone respond to it  reminded me that my blog is not only a part of cyberspace but is very much a part of the "real world" too. Whilst the response did contain some criticism, I'm proud that I've done something to try and make amends for my actions in the past. My post may not be the perfect apology but I have tried my best. I don't think that is something everyone can say.

Having that apology as a blog post has turned out to be the best forum for it I could find. It is accessible to those who want to read it, even those who chose to end their personal contact with me, but it isn't being forced upon anyone who wants to leave the past in the past. I very much hope that anonymous commenter chooses to reconnect with me in some further way. If that person is who I think they are, I miss them tremendously. 

Respectful honesty is liberating in a way I could have never anticipated. I am sure there will be moments when I might wish I had not revealed details about myself on this blog but I think I am a better person for having some of my warts out there for the world to see.

One of my siblings has had a very tough day today. I was able to work some things through with them and was told that this had helped them. The other needed a lift home whilst Mum and Dad were out golfing. I really love being a big sister and I love it when I can be of use to my siblings. 

There was something else today that had me thinking about honest efforts and that's a video I watched about Jordyn Wieber. She is a gymnast from the United States whom I had the pleasure of seeing live in international competition a few years ago and could well be an Olympic champion in a few months time. The idea of "determined practicing" is something I've heard spoken about but not so succinctly articulated.

 

This post has been a somewhat haphazard collection of thoughts but I came across this quote that I think ties it all together perfectly:

"Knowing is better than wondering, waking is better than sleeping. Even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying."

Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy