Plateau Be Gone! Week 5

http://www.betterhealthnaturally.ca/images/frustration-diet.jpg

This picture summarises the situation this week. Following 3 very successful weeks of weight loss, I have registered a small gain on the scales. 

Whilst this is a disappointment, it is not the end of the world. I know where I went wrong; my teeth haven't been hurting so much this week so I've made some poor choices with my diet. I have not been disciplined with myself about getting enough sleep which has resulted in an increased unnecessary snacking and disrupted my exercise schedule. 

Moderation and consistency are my keys to success when it comes to weight loss. Any deviation from my routine tends to result in backward steps and I need to be more aware. I ate very lightly last week because my teeth were so sore from my braces. This helped me have a very big loss on the scales last week, which was great, but it distracted me. Avoiding unhelpful food is easier when it hurts to eat but I did not think about having to keep a more stringent eye on myself when my teeth stopped hurting. 

I have been getting very lazy with making myself go to bed at a reasonable hour. I have a tendency to be a "night owl" and I am so much worse in the holidays when I don't have to get up my any particular time in the morning. Functioning on less than adequate sleep for no real reason is just silly and being tired means I become more hungry than usual, craving sugary foods to give me an energy boost. Weight loss aside, with my health issues contributing to increased fatigue, I need to get on top of this. 

In other news, I am heading to the Gold Coast on Saturday with a bunch of my uni friends from paramedics. It should be really fun and it is the sort of thing that a year ago I would not have had the confidence to agree to go. This trip will force me to confront just about all of my "fat girl" insecurities, from eating in front of other people, being in bathers in front of other people to getting dress up and going out at night (weird, I know, but I'll explain that particular social anxiety  another time). 

Part of me dreamed that by this point I would be further down the weight loss track and I would be ready to dance around in a bikini. It would be fantastic if I were at that stage, but I think being in a one piece with some little boardies in front of other people will be a big enough challenge. As I said last week, the mental component of all of this is huge and I need to make sure I make those mental adjustments as well as the physical ones. 

My impending trip has forced me to face up to one of my biggest "fat girl" fears - clothes shopping. In recent times I have only gone clothes shopping when forced or coaxed by my mum. Having to go shopping usually puts me in my a foul mood and I usually end up crying at some point. My trip today was forced by my holiday at least, something I decided to do.

I think it is fair to generalise that people who do not like the state of their body do not like shopping. I hate shopping for just about every conceivable reason. There is the obvious trauma of trying things on and having them not fit and not being able to try on the styles I liked because I knew they would look ridiculous. I find it really hard to spent money on myself. I don't feel worthy of nice things, plus it is only recently that I have started to fit into clothes that I feel like a 21 year old should be wearing. Before I just bought what fit best and covered the parts of me I could n't bear to bare in public.

There were no tears or tantrums today and I don't think I've ever bought more in one trip. I doubt I'm ever going to love shopping, but today was fine. I was able to get the things I needed without upsetting myself or my mum. It is so nice that things I previously never would have dared to look at actually fitted me.

My mum has been an incredible support to me throughout all of this. She has helped me in so many ways and it has brought us much closer together. She understands me; she understands how I think and feel as well as what it is like to be unhappy with yourself. Thank you so much, mum. I love you very much.

There is still a way to go before I stop losing weight, but today was an important step toward feeling like a normal human being again.