Just keep swimming...

My brain is completely fried.

I've only had three days of uni and I remain exhausted.

My classes have been really interesting. I like being busy and I've met some nice people. I'm trying really hard just to shut up because I don't want to be that person who looks like the think they know everything because they've been to  uni before. Being new and finding my feet hasn't been fun.

I'm freaking out after 3 days that maybe this course was a silly choice. It is really interesting and I'm enjoying what I'm learning a lot, but I'm not sure at all if the profession is the right career field for me. I feel like I'm going through a very strange phase. I'm interesting in a lot of things which is something I'm struggling with. Being interesting in lots of areas makes it hard to work out which direction to head in. I've always felt such a strong sense of direction until now. I have no idea what I'm doing, where I'm going or where I'd prefer to be headed.

It makes me sad, stressed, uncertain and afraid. It is what is making me cry in the shower and before I go to sleep. 

I know I need to calm down. My brain is exhausted and racing. It has only been 3 days. It needs to slow down and I need to take things one at a time rather than stressing about what is going to happen in 5 years. It is very early days and I know I have options. 

I'm not silly, so I know all the things I should be thinking and saying to myself. Unfortunately, being able to intellectually process necessarily help. Knowing a fact or being able to think doesn't change how you feel. 

There are a couple of people I'd really like to talk to about all this. One is dead and one is not in my life anymore. It wouldn't be entirely appropriate for me to reach out to them. I hug from either of these folks would feel like winning the lottery right now.

Feeling uncomfortable things is part of life, but none of it seems half as bad when the right person is there to help you through it.