Paramedics Week 3: survived

Another week down and I think my body clock has started to adjust. Whilst it certainly isn't fun having to get up and going so early, at least I'm occupied. I'm on the inter-campus bus on the way home now. Monash has six Victorian campuses and runs shuttle buses that go to and from the Clayton campus. Some days the quickest way for me to get home is to get the bus from Peninsula to Clayton, then Clayton to Caulfield or a public bus/train combo. The buses are free for staff and students and you can connect to the uni wifi on them too.

I have so much reading to catch up on this weekend. It has only been 3 weeks, but I think we've covered more content by now then an entire semester of Arts. I have to resign myself to a high school like pattern of homework each night. That is definitely the goal for next week. 

Just when I thought I might have a few moments to take a deep breath and get my brain around the semi-trailer load of new information I'm trying to get a handle on, I get some more. Last night the first round of clinical placements were allocated. I have been allocated 2 rural ambulance placements in Torquay the week after Easter. I don't even have my placement uniform yet (even though it was order in early February). I don't know if I want to be doing this course and the thought of having to front up to an actual ambulance to work with real life paramedics to help very real patients is making me nauseous. 

It feels like a have a backpack full of bricks on my backs and just and I've been doing my best to keep adjusting the straps to carry the load the best I can. Now I've been handed another brick and I just don't know where to put it.

This weekend will not be too good for catching up on study. My birthday is tomorrow but my mind is so occupied about other things that I keep forgetting. Patsy arrived in Melbourne on Wednesday. 

I love her so much but she doesn't understand our lifestyle in Melbourne and her coming mid-week was less than ideal. She doesn't really understand that with Melbourne traffic and travel time you can't just nip into the city like you can in Adelaide. She refuses to take public transport (mainly due to snobbery, part due to her age and mobility) which can complicate things in a city where taking the train or tram is often the quickest and most direct route. That and she's just plain old high maintenance. 

I really want to like my course. I really want to like my life. I want to be proud of myself. I keep telling myself that it's early days with this course, don't jump to conclusions. I haven't drawn any conclusions. I'm trying to keep my head above water. I'm not happy in my personal life. I don't want any sympathy, pity or attention, it's just true.

My driving test is a week away and I'm acquainting myself with the idea that I might fail. I do not feel ready and I do not think I am ready, but the next date I can change the text to is over a month away and I don't want to wait that long either.

I'm trying very hard not to be terrified that it's my birthday tomorrow.